Why Oloni is the sex guru Gen Z can’t get enough of


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friend Olonisakin, better known by her Twitter handle @Oloni, knows how to go viral. The sex blogger and podcast host Laid Bare rose to fame on Insta for her Twitter threads that spark explicit, unfiltered conversations about all aspects of sex and relationships online. Having racked up over half a million followers on Twitter, Instagram and TikTok, she is fast becoming the UK’s most popular ‘sexper’ and this week she will appear in rapper Saweetie’s new Netflix special. , Sex: Unzipped.

I meet her in the Standard’s offices, where she is an outspoken and engaging company and find myself nodding enthusiastically at every word. Her mission, according to her, is to fight against “double standards” on sex by offering women a safe space (via her Twitter feed) to have the “locker room chat” and jokes often reserved for men.

When she calls out her followers for their wildest stories and confessions, they deliver the juice. More recently, his “Fall Asleep Thread” sparked a huge debate among Millennials and Gen Z users.

“LADIES & LADIES only!” I want you to tell me the craziest story of what REALLY happened when you text her to apologize for falling asleep, ”she wrote. “Were you on a date? Were you with someone you told your partner not to worry about? Cheating or sleeping with someone else?!? DM ME! ”Thousands of outrageous and hilarious responses poured in which she re-shared anonymously.

Born in Enfield, north London, Oloni, 31, says that having grown up in a “very religious Christian home” she “felt like the only one who looked like me, who was black and spoke about sex.”

“I realized this was because for a lot of black women, the way we grew up, sex was only for procreation or for marriage. We weren’t allowed to discuss sex. It wasn’t for us. I had friends blogging about makeup or fashion, but I realized no one was really talking about masturbation and sex toys. So she started doing it.

She started out blogging about relationships and dating, building on her conversations with friends, listening to their dilemmas in her default mode as a dying aunt. In her mid-twenties, she started a phone line where men and women could pay to call her and discuss their relationship issues. She no longer offers phone calls but her DMs remain open. “I have women who trust me enough to tell me their true desires, their problems, their fantasies and their romantic misadventures and I will tell them my impartiality [and unfiltered] opinion”.

She usually gets 15-20 requests a day from people who want her advice, ”but adds,“ I realized you can’t answer everyone! Starting the Laid Bare podcast in 2018 with influencer Shani Jamilah (SJ) wanted to “find my tribe because, again, being a black woman and looking for another black woman to talk about sex isn’t that easy.” , because it’s not really in our culture to talk about sexuality. You know, you are instantly considered a “hoo”.

Now she co-hosts episodes with Char, who works in the sex industry. The conversation in its episodes and chat threads covers everything from how to give oral sex (“men will never understand our bodies really like a woman will”) to chat threads asking women to share the sex on. crazier than they got when they were single. “I also do talks for different scandals, you know, have you ever cheated on your partner before?” What did you do when you cheated? How was the sex?

While she doesn’t tolerate cheating, she believes her chat threads provide a way for women to talk about things they often feel pressured to keep to themselves. “I want to show that women love sex outside of what society has told them, whether it’s with themselves or having casual sex or whatever,” she says. Statistics, like the orgasm gap, suggest that “heterosexual women still don’t enjoy intimacy as much.”

The men’s response is … mixed. His latest viral thread has sparked a wave of “outrage” from some. “I think they were just fooled. They were like, I can’t believe women do this, men are really upset that women are having sex in a way that they didn’t know. And of course, no man or woman or non-binary person should cheat if they’re in a monogamous relationship, but I saw it as if they were disgusted that women enjoy sex, ”she says. “For so long it has been accepted that men are sexually free, but women have to keep that to themselves. They don’t talk too much about it to their friends. We’re not allowed to be sexually exploratory or adventurous, you know, they don’t want you to be a virgin but you can’t be a ho, so it’s really hard sometimes.

Above all, she wants women to feel confident in their sexuality, which makes her the perfect standard bearer of her generation. “I encourage women to have sex the way they want, but I want women to be smart about the way they have sex, I want them to be confident, I want them to know what they’re getting into, I want them to have sex for themselves. I don’t want them to feel pressured, I don’t want them to do it because they want a guy to like them.

Oloni’s top tips for a healthy sex life

My favorite sex toy this year has been Lovehoney’s Womanizer Pro40. Experimenting with toys helps you better understand what you like about the bedroom so that you can show it to your sex partner.

Talk about your fantasies with your partner and see if the two of you can make them come true.

In the same vein, always talk about your sexual boundaries both between the sheets and outside of them. You can do this by having a safe word or a safe action.

Lubricant should always be used during any kind of penetration. The water-based lubricant is amazing and works well with condoms and the flavored lubricant for oral sex can make it more enjoyable.

Don’t rush into things. Spend time indulging in the art of foreplay – this will help build intimacy.

Four more podcasts to listen to

Brunette girls do it too

Brunette girls do it too

Poppy Jay and Rubina Pabani’s wise, witty, and swift podcast – winner of the podcast of the year award in 2020 – deals with sex, relationships, race and patriarchy.

Millennial love

Millennial love

Host Olivia Petter talks about sexuality, relationships and stereotypes in this bright and engaging podcast. Recent guests included George Robinson of Sex Education and writer and activist Paris Lees.

Dipsea

Dipsea

Audio eroticism, rather than a podcast, Dipsea describes itself as “where storytelling meets sexual well-being”. All content is designed by women for women.

Wild lovecast

Wild lovecast

Dan Savage has a cult; his advice podcast is often outrageous and always very, very entertaining.


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