Dating advice: expert rules for dating your friend’s ex


Your best friend’s ex is a forbidden fruit, but what do you do when you can’t resist? Jana Hocking has a few tips to help you get out of this situation unscathed.

This week on my podcast, I had my beautiful friend, Laura Csortan, as a guest. We met at a party a few years ago and it’s like two troublemakers found their twin. We were inseparable throughout the party and have been good friends ever since.

So as it happens when you build a friendship, somewhere along the lines you start talking about guys you’ve dated, kissed or flirted with, and like half of Sydney’s singles in their 30s, we’ve found that we were “spitting sisters”.

Yes, that’s a rough term, but what it basically means is we’ve both kissed the same guys – and trust me, that’s not uncommon.

A number of friends from my friendship group and I share the same title. In fact, a closest friend of mine is currently dating a guy I dated a few years ago.

We all had a picnic together last weekend.

So that got us into the topic of, well… what the rules are when it comes to dating someone your friend has been with, and I tell you what… that’s a major gray area!

Here’s how I see it… If you’ve seen your friend cry for a guy, or if you’ve been heartbroken to pieces because of a guy, he’s out of reach!

First, because it is your job to HAVE him, and second, friends are family.

Nevertheless …. There are a lot of us who have been the dumpee before, and to my friends, I say go for the gold! If you find that someone, whom I broke up without drama, floats your boat, then he is in style. You can certainly be a better match, and who am I to stand in front of Cupid’s bow?

Now, before we get ahead of ourselves and browse our ex friends like the thirsty lockdown bandits that we really are, I have to say that there are some other rules to follow when it comes to to go out with a friend’s ex.

They go as follows …

You MUST have a conversation with your friend first

Now you think it would go without saying, but let’s be honest, no one appreciates awkward conversation, and anyone who says there isn’t a tiny bit of thrill in sneaking around is lying.

However, like I said before, friends are family and you have to do them right. If you think this guy is someone you’d like to get to know better… or at least naked… you need to discuss it. Tear it off like a bandage. Believe me, you will feel better.

Check to see if your friend and ex are both well placed

If your friend can’t stand the ex, chances are he won’t be welcome at a dinner party. You don’t need this drama. Also, it could mean that the date ended on a bad note. I found out why. If it is possible to avoid some big red flags, then count it as a blessing.

Check that you actually have feelings for them

Now you can beat me on that, but trust me, it can’t hurt to check with yourself.

Do you like the dude or just the thrill of it all. If it’s not worth losing a friendship, look no further. Don’t collect $ 200. Instead, go to a dating app. Lots of fish in the sea, and all that jazz …

Think about how close this person is to you as a friend

Are you about to date your BEST friend’s ex? Ooooh girl, you’re playing with fire!

If this is a girl who occasionally shows up in one of your WhatsApp friendship grounds, always have a conversation and proceed with caution … but if this is your BEST friend … then you want to make sure that this type is someone you could potentially marry. Otherwise, you are basically a dirty bastard.

Ok, I hope this clears up once and for all. The dating world can be ROUGH. Take care of your heart.

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of boyfriend genres | @jana_hocking



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