Bachelorette Australia 2021 final recap


It’s not finally here, it’s ALREADY here – how are we already at the finale of The bachelorette 2021? It went too fast, didn’t it? Is this the thing these weird doomsday cults tell us about, how time will fly faster before the world is over because I AM NOT PREPARED, I HAVE NOT COLLECTED ALL OF MY OOSHIES YET.

In any event. This is the moment. Who will Brooke choose – Jamie-Lee, who appears to be her platonic pal, or Darvid the Magician?

First up, we have the story of Jamie Lee – which included that passage where she got out of a car and met… THE HONRY BADGER and I thought damn hell, they got The Badge back as Brooke’s Trusted Buddy or something, but no, it was just old footage from their time in the same Bach band. Then we get Darvid’s one – I totally forgot he jumped on a lawn mower, ahahaha. It sounds so non-Darvid.

Then – oh my god if you haven’t cried by then – the videos of Brooke’s father, a father figure, from WA, and Brooke crying, and I cry, and he says she deserves a basic person and I cry Continued. It’s very moving, it’s also a few days before my period so there you go.

Brooke: cries nicely. Me: snot on t-shirt

Because Brooke can’t have any of her family in Sydney due to the bloody COVID (which ruins the party again), she has Abbie Chatfield, who really doesn’t look like Brooke’s BFFL but decent producers, and a girl called Amy.

Darvid first meets the “friends”, that is to say the paid talents. I feel like Darvid MUST be that one, look how cute they are:

STOP THAT

But I have already been burned. Specifically, I got burned by Matt and Abbie in his season because I thought they were legitimate, so there you go. Either way, Abbie and Amy see it too – Darvid and Brooke can’t hold hands and their eyes are all foggy, that’s A LOT.

But when Amy takes Darvid for a chat, she finds out that he doesn’t know what Aboriginal land he lives on – and never has. She worries that he doesn’t have enough “racial literacy” for Brooke – she knows this is very important to Brooke, and Darvid saying that it hasn’t “given too much thought” is for her.

….shit

Corn! He runs away because he recognized that he should be more through Indigenous culture and history, and he seems genuinely sincere about it. In the end, he wins Amy.

Abbie is next and obviously the bullshit. When Darvid reveals that he loves Brooke, but says he’ll tell her if she chooses him, Abbie says “what, don’t tell her now”. Which sounds crazy to me like, Shotty not being hyper-vulnerable and then getting dumped on national TV but there you go.

Abbie says they already look like they’re together and Brooke brings her boyfriend to meet the friends. AGREE.

Then it’s time for Jamie Lee and Brooke to catch up. Again, it’s so FRIENDSY. Either it’s a massive edit to twist the plot around for us, or they don’t have any chemistry whatsoever. It really could be one or the other, producers love a well-edited point of view.

I will say Jamie Lee and Brooke together are FUN. Lots of laughs, maybe it’s like 2 p.m. at the girls’ boozy brunch after five mimosas, maybe it’s love. Uncertain.

ORDER MORE MARGS AT BAR SHAZ!

Abbie and Jamie Lee have a pretty good conversation regardless of the type of conversation. Its good? But my god, Amy is like a smiling assassin, I love her. She asks all the tough questions about Native culture and again, Jamie Lee doesn’t care – she doesn’t know the land she lives on, nor Brooke’s.

That’s a wake-up call for Amy because Jamie Lee first says that she knows a lot about Indigenous culture and history, so not knowing these basics seems… not great for Amy.

….Shit

Amy immediately tells Brooke how worried she is. She explains that the worry for her is that Jamie Lee says she has known Brooke for three years, that she has loved her for so long, but that she has not explored the Indigenous heritage and culture of her at all. Brooke. While Darvid is also a bit uneven on this front, Amy thinks that because it’s been shorter, it’s a bit more understandable. Brooke likes:

Meanwhile, Abbie’s worry is on Darvid. Can they really make long distance work? Will he give up his business and home to move to Melbourne or Perth?

On the final dates. Jamie Lee and Brooke – you guessed it – take a helicopter ride. Maybe the show has invested in a helicopter and they have to take it out at least three times per season? They are always like “nothing is more romantic than a riiiide helicopter” and I’m like you know what’s more romantic? Literally anything that involves food, a nap, or a swimming pool.

To kiss! In a helicopter! The height of romance!

Then they cycle for some reason, before heading to a fairy-lit FANCY cheese party. Goodbye, supermarket brie!

Of course, the conversation turns to Amy’s red flag… weakening. Brooke explains that Amy was worried that Jamie Lee might like an idea of ​​Brooke, and not who Brooke really is.

You are DEAD Amy

But Jamie Lee apologizes for not knowing the land she lives on and Brooke’s mob, and seems sincere. Like she’s crying about having to say goodbye to Brooke after the date!

For her last date with Darvid, Brooke gets into a hoon vehicle. Why is this show obsessed with hoon vehicles and loud travel in this episode?

Then the OMFG guys, they went to a tantric master or something. They imply it’s not about sex, but Darvid is like:

Wait excuse me what

And she teaches Darvid the breaths to control HIS CUMSHOT I AM DIEING why did I become a 15 year old boy about it.

OH MY GOD THE GUYS THEY HAVE ATHLEISURE SEX.

TAKE A ROOM

It’s definitely romantic and sultry and all of that good stuff, but it’s also the racy stuff since Abbie beat up Matt on the beach and I’m not getting off !!!!

Well, it’s over. They go to the beautiful, chic cheese area and kiss, then Darvid tells him that he loves her. It’s very cute and then it’s VERY INTENSE because Brooke talks to the camera and thinks to herself: I found my soul mate and I love Darvid and it is A LOT. Did she just give everything before the ceremony?

Guys there are still 30 minutes left

Then it is TIME. Brooke looks like a magical mermaid princess, Darvid and Jamie Lee look at the rings with great emotion, you know the exercise.

Give me answers, oh sage ring

Osher meets Brooke and talks to her about what it means to her, and she says that I hope I made my community proud (I’m still crying) and that she’s completely in love.

With almost NO lingering suspense, Jamie Lee is the first to get out of the limo – she’s been dumped! It’s a shame because they look very beautiful next to each other in their mermaid dresses.

I mean it would’ve been a great final pic

Brooke has been crying pretty much from the start, so it’s pretty obvious to Jamie Lee that she hasn’t won Brooke’s heart.

Leaving in the limo, Jamie Lee is like “I’m glad I got to close this chapter / if I hadn’t been on this show I never would have known” and it’s like, like my friend Rachel said so in our group chat, baby just DM him. You had THREE YEARS to send him a DM!

So obviously it’s Darvid. Wouldn’t he have been wild if BROOKE had made a Honey Badger? To imagine. But no she doesn’t, she confesses her love to Darvid, it’s very adorable, I love them and I pray that the Brissie / Melbourne thing doesn’t ruin everything.

Melissa is a freelance writer and. You can find it on Instagram and Twitter.

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